By Around the Dinner Table Member “Purplerain”
Having lived through my daughter’s eating disorder has taught me a lot, and what I have learned helped me to face my mother’s sudden illness and death. I would rather have learned these things some other way, I would rather my daughter never had anorexia nervosa; but she did, and she’s genetically predisposed to it, so it can come back at any point if she’s not careful. That’s my worst fear, and I have to live with it and teach her to take care of herself. I won’t always be around. I want her to be independent, autonomous, and free; to study, travel, live her life. For that to happen, my daughter needs to understand how to take care of herself, and that her self care looks different than what others have to do.
Here are some things that my daughter’s eating disorder has taught me:
- I learned to live moment by moment and let go of “ifs” (of course there are logistics to consider, but emotionally, living just for today, for this hour, for this minute, was invaluable to me).
- I learned to be patient and gentle, and that illnesses are nobody’s fault and blaming doesn’t help; neither does guilt.
- I learned that I have to take care of myself (including medication if needed) in order to be able to take care of another.
- I learned to put priorities in the right order.
- I learned that love is the most powerful force, but sometimes is not enough to save someone, and I can only do my very best.
- I learned that stress is contagious and so is calm.
- I learned to be more empathetic and judge less.
- I learned to enjoy the normal, daily stuff of life, to be grateful for smiles, good moments, all the things I still do have, and all the things I did have.
I never wanted my daughter to have an eating disorder, but I can learn from it, turn it into a big lesson, and use it to live a better life.