My 18-Year Battle with Bulimia and Chronic Overeating, and How I Recovered

By Agness

Dear reader,

My name is Agness and my story isn’t one that’s easy to tell, but it’s one I feel deeply compelled to share with you. For nearly two decades, I silently struggled with bulimia and chronic compulsive overeating, trapped in a cycle that held me captive. From the outside, everything looked just fine. I was constantly traveling, studying, working the jobs I loved, and leading a life that seemed full of success. But beneath the polished surface, I was battling a disorder that ruled my every thought, feeling, and action.

My struggle with food started at 12 when my parents were divorcing, shattering the stability I once knew. Overwhelmed by emotions I couldn’t process, I turned to food for comfort and control. What began as a coping mechanism quickly spiraled into a disorder that shaped my teenage years and beyond.

Things worsened with my dad’s drinking, creating an unstable environment at home. I felt pressured to excel at school and not add to my family’s struggles, so I buried my pain. I became the perfect student—straight A’s, top of my class—while secretly, food became both my escape and torment. Restriction, binging, and purging soon became my daily habits and later on, ruled my life.

For years, I convinced myself that I had everything under control. I believed I was strong enough to manage my behaviors and didn’t want to admit I was powerless over food and purging. This denial kept me trapped, and my compulsive overeating grew chronic. No matter how much I tried to gain control, I ended up feeling even more out of control. I was terrified of being judged and perceived as weak, so I built walls around myself and kept my struggles hidden, afraid to open up to anyone.

In my mid-twenties, I started seeing different psychologists, hoping therapy would help me break free. I made progress in some areas and managed to stop purging entirely, but the binging and chronic overeating remained constant shadows in my life. I felt half-free and half-trapped, unsure if I would ever truly recover.

It wasn’t until I was 29 that something shifted. I opened up to a person I trusted, someone who listened without judgment and with genuine compassion. For the first time, I felt safe to share my struggles without fear of being misunderstood. That conversation marked a turning point in my journey. It made me realize that by speaking about my eating disorder, I was taking away its power over me. The more I opened up, the more therapeutic it became.

With their support, I began reaching out to others and joined a recovery community for the very first time. Being around people who understood what I was going through was transformative. It showed me that I wasn’t alone, and I started to believe that recovery was possible. I connected with a mentor, joined support groups, and started working with a nutritionist who helped me understand that food wasn’t the problem—it was the solution I’d used to numb pain, suppress emotions, and cope with trauma.

One of the biggest breakthroughs for me was recognizing that healing had to be holistic. It wasn’t just about managing what I ate or stopping purging. I needed to address my mind, body, and heart to truly heal. Physically, I learned to nourish my body with balanced meals instead of punishing it. I embraced self-care, started listening to my body’s needs without judgment, and made peace with food. Emotionally and spiritually, I turned to meditation, journaling, and breathwork to process my feelings and manage stress. I confronted the stories and belief systems I had internalized over the years and started rewriting them with the help of a mentor who guided me through my healing process.

I also realized that sharing my story was crucial to my recovery. I began opening up to trusted friends and family members, and instead of judgment, I received an outpouring of love and support. Talking about my eating disorder not only helped me break the cycle of shame and isolation but also allowed me to build deeper, more authentic connections with the people around me. It was one of the most healing experiences of my life.

The most powerful transformation came when I learned to set boundaries—not just with food but in every area of my life. Stress had always been a major trigger for my binges, so learning how to manage it effectively and create balance was key. I realized that I had spent so much of my life focused on being perfect, that I had forgotten to simply be present. Releasing the need for perfection allowed me to make space for self-compassion and acceptance.

Today, I’m proud to say that I’ve been bulimia- and binge-free for 5 years. My life is no longer ruled by the cycles of binge and purge. Instead, I live with a deep sense of peace, balance, and joy. I nourish my body, mind, and heart with care, celebrating each year free from disordered eating with gratitude. I’ve built beautiful relationships with people in the recovery community—connections that I never could have imagined possible.

To anyone reading this who feels hopeless or trapped, I want to share that recovery is possible. It’s a unique journey that looks different for everyone, but healing is always within reach. You don’t have to walk this path alone. Opening up and asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s the first step toward reclaiming your life. I know that firsthand. There is light on the other side of the tunnel, and I hope my story serves as a reminder that you too can find it.

With love and gratitude,
Agness